I am so proud to be her mother.  She has so many wonderful qualities. She is :

*a daughter of Christ, growing in his knowledge each day

*an energetic, fun -loving spunky young lady

* a beautiful daughter inside and out

* a talented musician in both the piano and the violin

* a dedicated runner

*intelligent and inquisitive

* extremely caring and thoughtful

* a blessing to her friends and family.

Paxton is 8 months old. He is amazing and sweet and cuddly. He is crawling and pulling up to stand. He has four teeth, but will barely touch solid foods.  He loves to nurse, play peek-a-boo and take a bath. He babbles but hasn’t said his first word yet. He will either act very serious or have the biggest smile you have ever seen on his face. He has the most sensitive skin in the world and seems to be allergic to most everything he touches. Right now, he has bronchiolitis, his chest is wheezing like crazy and there is nothing we can do but pray. He seems not to feel too bad because he has that big smile on.

I haven’t slept for more than two hours a stretch in the last 8 months.

Just the words “postpartum body” conjure up all sort of distorted images of our bodies in our heads. Jiggly, lumpy, bumpy bits and pieces of previously sleek and smooth parts. Us women tend to forget what our bodies just went through and as soon as that baby is born we are trying to figure out how to “get our body back”. I for one am not immune. Over the course of my 6 pregnancies I have gained and lost over 210 pounds. As soon as I got the all clear from my doctor at 4 weeks postpartum with baby #6, I tried to jump into fitness boot camp. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking… Not my brightest thinking ever. This is my 6th child after all. The fact that I am not in my 20′s any more really hit me hard. My body absolutely could not handle the stress of recovery, nursing, lack of sleep and a hard core workout. So I decided, well my body decided for me that I would take it slow and easy until it was ready to work  on weight loss. Paxton is 10 weeks old and I am still in recovery mode. I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight which was about, well, way over what I  should weigh. After my 5th pregnancy I just couldn’t shed the weight. Maybe its my age, my diet, or even the PCOS. I am sure there are hundreds of thousands of women out there who know exactly where I am coming from. Most of you have either been where I am am, are going to be where I am, or in the same boat with me. Maybe you are making a “get my body back” plan right now too.

Here is “The Plan”:

Exercise- the most important part of the plan is to get plenty of exercise. My body is still not ready for any hard core workouts so I am going to work on walking, swimming and light weight lifting as often as possible. At least 3 times during the week. I won’t bore you with the details of our busy schedule homeschooling 4 big kids that love sports, chasing a toddler and nurturing a newborn. Let’s just say I could use the excuse that I don’t have time to work out, because I really don’t, but I won’t. I am going to make the time.

Diet- No cokes, and I LOVE coke. No processed foods or refined foods. No caffeine. No more Hershey’s Kisses in the night stand drawer.

This blog started out as a vegan blog but somehow that all went by the wayside. I feel like crap and I have no doubt it is from the SAD diet that I have been eating.  I just finished reading Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman. Read it. I think it will change lives.  Check in for updates and for menu plans, I will let you know how its going. Maybe some of you will join me and let me know how you are doing. Detox takes about 2 weeks. It should be fun..

I want to feel good again, I want my energy back and I want to know that I am healthy. I am trying to come to terms with the realization that my body will never be what it was 10 years ago. It is hard to look in the mirror and see what aging, childbirth and flat out abuse to my body has done. I want to love my body again, flaws and all. I want my daughters to see that I love my body flaws and all because it is healthy and strong, and the flaws will just become reminders of the amazing things that my body has done. I don’t want them to see me as trying to get skinny or trying to conform to what society deems beautiful. I want my girls to see me trying to get my healthy strong body back so that I can be there for them as long as possible.

You may not agree but I think the shape of a pregnant belly is beautiful. I am amazed by what God has created our bodies to do.

Our sweet bump finally has a name.

Introducing….Paxton Matteo.  Born July 15, 2010  5:10 p.m. 8 lbs

A word about his name: Pax in Latin means “peace” and Matteo means “gift from God”.

We are so blessed to have this little guy join our family. I am especially thankful that after so many losses that we were able to bring this sweet one home.  If you have been keeping up here, you might remember that I hoped to have a home birth. Unfortunately, I had extremely low iron and at 36 weeks our consulting physician recommended that we return to our OB for the safety of the baby and myself. We followed his advice and I was able to deliver Pax naturally without pain medication and had no complications! Praise God!

Let me not fail to mention Pax is, as of today 10 weeks old. He weighs a hefty 15 pounds. He has each and every one of us wrapped around his beautiful little finger. His feet may never touch the ground.

Incidentally, Payton says quite frequently that he misses my bump.

]]> http://www.suburbangranola.com/2010/09/30/introducing/feed/ 1 http://www.suburbangranola.com/2010/03/22/week-24-namesgender-circumcision-and-heartburn/ http://www.suburbangranola.com/2010/03/22/week-24-namesgender-circumcision-and-heartburn/#comments Mon, 22 Mar 2010 19:52:34 +0000 admin http://www.suburbangranola.com/?p=725 Today marks the 24th week of my pregnancy. That means we only have 16 weeks until our due date! Which means we probably have only about 14 weeks until we actually have our 6th baby! We have only made it past 38 weeks with our first child..she was actually overdue and born at 41 weeks. The last 4 have been born right at 38 weeks.

Here are some things that have been on my mind…

Baby names:

We have baby names for both a boy and girl picked out. Actually we have a few names picked out and won’t make a final decision until after the baby arrives. After all, I was set on the name Jack for my son the entire pregnancy. When he was born, he looked nothing like a Jack and I freaked out. I just couldn’t name him Jack. The poor kid didn’t have a name for 4 days. I have always sworn the next boy we had would be Jack. But too many people we know have named their boys Jack so I think that one is out. Brian and I also decided this time not to share the names we have picked out. It is going to be a secret just between us. We aren’t even telling the kids. It is fun to have the secret just between us and everyone keeps telling us their best guess. Since all 4 girls have -ana somewhere in their name, everyone is assuming if this baby is a girl there will be an -ana in there somewhere….maybe it is time to break that tradition, after all, if we keep having girls how many more -ana names (that we actually like) could we come up with?? …..but we’re not telling!

Gender:

I have no sense of if we are having a boy or a girl. For a while I thought it was a boy but now I just don’t know. I can’t wait to find out! But there is something disappointing about finding out via ultrasound.  I was always happy to find out what we were having when we found out on the ultrasound. There is something thrilling about going through labor and being so happy to see your baby for the first time, realize that you don’t even know what “it” is, and be surprised when you actually look for yourself! We had the scan where you could determine the baby’s gender last month but I chose not to. I never want to know but my husband always does. I looked away when the tech was checking the gender. Brian looked as hard as he could to see if he could tell. He just couldn’t look away! He couldn’t tell, by the way. She just did a quick check! The only time we didn’t find out was when I was pregnant with my son (#4) and my husband was sick (very sick) with the flu. He wasn’t able to make it to the appointment with me. I decided not to find out. He was upset. He didn’t talk to me for three days. When my son was born we just couldn’t believe (after 3 girls) that we finally had a boy! It was unbelievable! It was such a wonderful surprise and in hindsight we are very glad that we didn’t find out. I had to keep checking for the first few days that it was still there and he really was a boy. And still, every time I changed his diaper it was shocking. With a boy, there was the the whole to circumcise or not to circumcise decision! It had never even crossed my mind that we would have to make that choice..

Circumcision:

In case you are wondering what choice we made, we chose not to. After asking out pediatrician numerous questions, watching a video of the procedure online, which I wouldn’t recommend- it is horrifying! And even a phone call with an uncircumcised friend of a friend (I know, right?!) who said “NO WAY!, DON’T DO IT” we decided it wasn’t our choice to make. There was no medical reason to do it. We have no religious reason to do it. It is his body, he should have the choice. For the record, he hasn’t had a single issue from not having it done. He has never had a bladder infection or infection of any other kind for that matter. (Some people told us he would have all kinds of infections and bladder issues…) If you are wondering how you “take care of it” as we did, you will get a lot of conflicting advice. We went with that of our pediatrician and completely left it alone. We just cleaned it like we would any other body part. So if we are blessed with another boy obviously our choice will remain the same.

Heartburn:

The only complaint I have at this point in my pregnancy is severe heartburn. I have had it the last 4 pregnancies with the last being the worst- until now. I kind of think it is because I am carrying much higher than I have ever carried before. Which is crazy because you would think with the sixth it would be lower…The last time I was pregnant, I practically lived on Tums and would wake up 3-4 times during the night and have to take them each time. This time I have found that it is safe for me to take Zantac. It has helped tremendously but I have to time taking it just right. I am wondering if Prilosec would work any better?

Pelvic Separation:

I have had pelvic separation with every pregnancy. Honestly it can be quite excrutiating. So far I am only having slight twinges of pain every now and then. I am still completely able to roll from side to side in bed with no pain (usually by now, I can’t do that). I have been going to the chiropractor every week in hopes that it will keep it at bay and it seems to be working wonderfully.

So- are you pregnant? How far along are you? What things are on your mind?

Then in 2008, I had a molar pregnancy. It resulted in an emergency D&C. I had to undergo monthly cancer testing for an entire year. We were unable to try for another baby until that year was up. So to be honest, I have become quite phobic of the hospital. It could be post traumatic stress, I don’t know. The thought of going into labor makes me nervous. Not about the labor but about having to go the hospital. I was so nervous at the OBGYN that the last time I was there I forgot to ask some questions and forgot to mention that I have been having contractions already.

My husband had suggested when we first found out that we were expecting that we should “just do it at home”. I kind of laughed at the thought. What if something went wrong? What if the baby was in distress? That was 3 months ago. I have started to think differently.
I had a dream that I had the baby at home, and in the dream I felt very at peace. The dream made me start thinking about our first birth experience. It was very much like being at home. It was calm and peaceful, I wasn’t being forced into anything, no IV, no continuous fetal monitoring keeping me in bed, no beeping monitors, I was able to drink and even eat little bits, no bright blinding lights, I was able to get up and move around as I wished. After she was born she was placed on my chest and she never left my arms reach. We ate, took a short nap and went home within hours of her birth. All of the sudden I found myself longing for that experience again.

So now I am looking for the right midwife. I am not sure what questions I should ask. I am still doing my research.

I would love to hear from any of you who have had home births. What questions did you ask when choosing a midwife? What advice would you give?

Being 14 weeks means I am far enough into my second trimester where theoretically any morning (more like all day) sickness should be subsiding by now. I have to say that while it is getting a little better (not all day anymore , just here and there) I can still barely ride in a car without being very sick. I have not had the kind of crippling fatigue that I seemed to have had with all of my other pregnancies which is a huge blessing! It is very hard to run a household and homeschool 4 kids and chase a toddler when you have toothpicks holding your eyes open. My belly is already huge. I was looking at pictures from my 2nd pregnancy (9 years ago) and I am close to the same size as I was when I was 8 months pregnant with her. ugh.

I have also been noticing that I can already start to feel the beginning of the pelvic separation that I get during pregnancy. I imagine I will start going to see my chiropractor in the next week or so on a weekly basis until that baby arrives. Going to her is the only relief I have been able to get in the past. Weekly adjustments also help keep my sciatic pain in check.

My blood pressure was a little higher at my last appointment than it was the previous time. (Maybe because I had all 5 kids with me? yeah, that could be it..) It is a little concerning to me though because I was on bed rest for the majority of my last pregnancy due to high blood pressure. I am hoping that by eating a strict diet, not salting my food and drinking plenty of water will keep my blood pressure down and help me avoid bed rest. I have already noticed that in the last two weeks that I have made those changes, and I have had absolutely no swelling or heartburn. Yay!

I was a little nervous about actually posting it on my blog because I was a little worried about the chance that I would have to come back and say, oh wait..no…. I am sure that those of you who have also experienced loss understand.

I am now 10 weeks and 5 days and everything is looking great. I have had the worst case of morning sickness of any pregnancy so far and unfortunately none of the remedies I have tried to far have been successful in helping. I am feeling less tired than I have with my other pregnancies so I am thankful for that. It’s a real blessing being able to keep up with my other children, for the most part anyway. I was even able to get back into the gym this week. Brian was hoping I would wait until we made it to the 12 week mark just to be safe but I just couldn’t wait. I just feel so much more positive about everything after a workout, it is amazing how much it helps my mood. I was starting to feel a little down and I knew I just needed to get back into the gym. I am taking it easy though and thinking about seeking out a personal trainer who can help me to find safe exercises to do while I am pregnant.

Here is a peek at our new little bun in the oven. (we are Bakers’ after all…)

This ultrasound was at 8 weeks. He or she already has Daddy’s head!

Thank you for sharing in this journey with us. Thank you for your praying for us.

You would think with 5 kids that it is easy for us. Well, there you would be wrong. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). My cycles are for lack of a better term.. all jacked up. I ovulate on a hit or miss basis. I am a mess. Really. I have lost at least 2 pregnancies very early. A little over a year ago after 8 months of trying to get pregnant we suffered our third loss with a molar pregnancy. It was a huge ordeal. It requires surgery. We had to wait an entire year to try again because when you have a molar pregnancy there is a risk for cancer. yes. cancer. from a pregnancy. I had no idea. Who knows this sort of thing?

After our year of  monthly cancer tests we got the all clear this June to get pregnant. So we have been trying. Last month we had success and then..failure.. I miscarried again…and then this month…another positive! But here is the deal. I got my positive test a mere 5 days after ovulation was indicated. A full 11 days before my period is actually due. Is that even possible?

I made an appointment with our OB, Dr.G. Let’s just say we stumped her a little. She was wondering…did I not actually miscarry and was I still pregnant from Sept.?…no I had ovulated in Oct….as crazy as it seems we even wondered for a second if I got pregnant twice at two different times…it was about this time that I am pretty sure my blood pressure went up a bit…there was no way we could have had a positive pregnancy test that soon after ovulation..right?

In comes the ultrasound machine. Dr.G murmuring information as she inputs it into the computer…she says name…birth date..LMP- who the hell really knows? nervous laugh..Then the words..it looks cystic…I covered my face with my hands…Dr. G said she was worried about another mole…I got cold…the room started to spin…”oh God, please not this again”…

She sent us down the hall a second more sophisticated ultrasound…the only cyst was on my ovary…healthy uterine lining…Praise God! and a “speck” that “could be a very early pregnancy”….or not…it’s just not real clear…but I could breath again. I could have kissed that sweet girl who did the ultrasound. No mole! We are safe. For now.

I had blood drawn to check on my Beta levels, and on my progesterone. We will get the results tomorrow. We are praying they look good. We will retest again on Friday to see how things are progressing.

So why am I telling you all of this? I need your prayer, scratch that our family needs your prayer. Yes, we already told our kids. They are receptive little beings and they already had the feeling something was up. They know when we are stressed. In the next few days there will be multiple trips back and forth to Dr. G. and I am not much on going to the doctor so they will be worried why all of the sudden I have to go so much. I would rather have them know the truth than to make up something in their own head and worry about that. Please just pray for peace to wash over us. No matter what the outcome. God’s will will be done in this and we trust He knows what is best for us. It may be painful. It may be joyous.

Fear is what motivates dishonesty and acts of deception. Fear of punishment, fear of disappointment, fear of not getting what they want, fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of standing up for what is right are the motivations for the behaviors I so desperately want to change. In myself and in my kids. If we can get over some of these stumbling blocks we can learn to boldly go out into the world and be an example.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)