Super Mom Syndrome

Are you a Super Mom? Do you want to be a Super Mom? Are you tired of being a Super Mom? Is your best friend in need of a Super Mom support group? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you have come to the right place. This is step 1 to overcoming Super Mom Syndrome.

You may wonder why I am qualified in such things. I am a “Martha Stewart-type” mother of 5. I am a home school mother of 5. Enough said, I think.  I think that mothers-of-many and home school moms tend to be particularly susceptible. It seems like everyone is watching us. People are wondering how we handle so many kids and keep our sanity. ( By the grace of God, by the way) From the old man at the grocery store commenting how we “have our hands full” ( If I only had a dime for every…) to the over-whelmed mom with one kid who asks how we do it when she can “barely handle one”.  It seems like we are always being watched. And really, we are. You would think with some of the stares we get that we had 5 extra heads sometimes. I feel like my kids behavior is scrutinized at times. I mean what was I thinking having so many children? How could I possibly handle them all?

If you don’t suffer from Super Mom Syndrome, you know moms who do. Y’all know that mom who is late to everything because she is oh-so busy- doing this or that. Super Moms never say no when asked to do anything. Super Mom seems to be everywhere at once in her freshly washed car.  Super Mom’s clothes are always ironed, her makeup and hair flawless. Her home looks perfect and tidy and smells like home-cooked food. She is skinny. Super Mom somehow even finds time decorate her yard to suit the season. Her children are polite, straight A students. She probably even sews all of their perfect little outfits. The photographs she takes of her perfectly groomed children look professional.  Of course she even has a killer blog.

Most of us human moms want to be like her. No, we want to be her. So we give it a shot. It doesn’t take long for us to realize how crazy it is. How stressful. Everything is perfect on the outside. But on the inside the walls are crumbling in. Super Mom maybe gets 5 hours of sleep at night (ok- reason #1 why I will never be her right there). There is never time to do anything for herself. She has to come up with some kind of excuse of why she hasn’t called you in weeks, every time she calls (or you call her). She probably yells at her kids too much, only you don’t see it. Her husband might even stay at work a little late, just to avoid her. Her over-tired, over-scheduled kids are beginning to come unglued right along with her. She has forgotten who she is. She can’t remember what kinds of things she did for fun before she had children. She defines herself by who her children are. She is tired, hungry, anxious and dare I say unhappy?

I am not sure when I became a Super Mom. Ok, so I might not be all I described, but one can dream right? I definitely had some of the characteristics. Especially the not-so-good ones. For me, it was easy to be Super Mom with just one or two kids. It was when I hit three or four really that I realized I needed to go into recovery. Five literally pushed me over the edge. I would lay in bed at night thinking, “why did I think I could do this?”. I was totally overwhelmed.  I realized that I did everything. From the dishes, shopping, organizing to the laundry, decorating, cooking to the errands right down to the parenting. It sure wasn’t because my husband wasn’t capable or willing to help me. He was! I just wouldn’t allow myself to give up control. For some messed up reason, I felt like I was the only one who could do it as good as me. Somewhere along this road I realized I had stopped depending on God for guidance and strength. Only when I had this realization and corrected it did I make these other realizations I want to share with you. Giving it all over to God is the most important step. You can’t take another step until you take that first one.

Here are some other important lessons that I am learning:

Women, allow your husbands to lead your family. Don’t just allow him to take over when  you “need a break”. God’s design for our husband is to lead our families. We all know we can lead if we want to. Think of Eve in the garden of Eden. They key is, to not want to. Realize what kind of destruction we can do to our families if we do not allow our husband to lead as he is intended. Pray for your husband to have wisdom. I am not telling you that you cannot have an opinion or not to be part of decision making. I am just saying, let your husband have the final decision. Respect and support him. Let him be Daddy. Let him play with the kids and take care of them the way he wants to. Don’t criticize when he doesn’t do things the way you would. Let it go. Let me repeat myself. Let it go. Let him know you appreciate him.

Your children are not helpless. Even the youngest child can help out. Give them responsibility. You don’t have to do everything. Stop cutting the crust! It tastes the same as the rest of the bread! When you give your children the opportunity to contribute the the running of the home, they feel loved and needed. Isn’t that why you do too much? Because you like the feeling of being needed? Give your child the gift of knowing what it feels like to be needed. Let them know you could not get by without them. It will do wonders for self esteem.

Take the summer off. At least partly. Our family loves extra-curricular activities. No, we are activity junkies. We take music lessons, run cross country, play soccer, baseball, basketball and swim lessons as well as swim team not to mention all the church-related activities. We love every minute of it. Even driving for and hour to get to a cross country race that lasts 14 minutes or less. Yet we have learned to only do activities during the school year. The summer is ours as a family. We may be super busy during the school year running from activity to activity but during the summer we take a break. That way we don’t get overwhelmed. Take back your summer!

Give yourself permission to take a break during the day. I try to stick to the same schedule on most days. It is kind of impossible with the different extra-curricular activities that the different children are involved in but I try. From the time between 2 and 4 o’clock it is rest time in our home. Prime hours right? That is toddler nap time. The time when you could get so much done while they are sleeping. Laundry, dishes, home schooling older kids… Let it go sister.  It took me quite a while to actually do this. I lay my toddler and preschooler down for their nap and the older kids may read in their beds or nap, its their choice. I would actually almost have a panic attack when I tried to relax ( I wish I were kidding) because I would think of all the things that I needed to be doing. I would get a knot in my stomach. But after a while I started to realize that I really looked forward to this time to myself. It was actually quiet enough that I could *gasp,  think. I could read, pray, whatever but honestly, most of the time I sleep. Then I started to realize my kids actually enjoy this time as well. They are, after all together all stinkin’ day long. Rest time is when they can be alone to think, read, pray, whatever and guess what? When rest time is over, they are refreshed, ready to get back to work and they even play better together.

Relax a little and enjoy your kids. If you are so overwhelmed that you are not enjoying your children, something has got to change. For me it was the stress of my children’s behavior. I have great kids but I felt like they needed to be perfectly behaved. Miniature adults. I knit-picked about everything. I was provoking my children to anger. I was putting them down. I am ashamed to say we have had to do a lot of work on rebuilding self esteem that I tore down. They do after all reflect me as a mother, and I want everyone to see me as perfect, right? Wrong. I now want people to see me as calm. I want to be that mom. The one who does not freak out if my kid drops her glass of milk on the floor right after I mopped. The kind of mom who relies on the peace only God can give. The mom who doesn’t stress about every little thing. I want to be the mom who my kids can come to when they need to talk because I am rational and sensible, not hotheaded and insane. I can be insane.

Step away from the sign up sheet! Before you jump headlong into another project, take some time to pray about it. Is this really what God wants you doing at this time? It may be a wonderful thing you are doing. Feeding the homeless, volunteering to teach a 4 year old class, taking meals to the the sick…there are so many different ways in which we can serve that are all good causes.  It makes you feel good when you are making a difference, and setting the example for your children. But are you biting off more than you can chew? Are you missing out on the real opportunity that God had in mind for you because you are so busy with what you wanted to do?

I want to go from being a Super Mom to a super mom. Where are you?