Silence

I have been silent. There is so much to think about these days. I am not one of those people who can talk and listen at the same time. So I have just been listening. Africa took a while to process. It was so huge. So overwhelming. I am not eloquent enough to describe it. Words have failed me. So I have remained silent. I was speechless. But I am starting to pull it together again. I think. Maybe.

I had quite the greeting when I returned:

I had my last cancer screening done the week after I got back and got the all clear! Thank God! We were even told we could start trying for another baby!

We are still in the process of making our decision of whether or not we will move our family to Africa. After our trip, we now know how much more there is to take into consideration. Now we have a better understanding about what is truly the reality there. The mission work is one thing. Trying to find where we fit in. What kind of work we are to do? How do our kids fit into the work? Do we fit in with a team? There are so many logistics with just trying to figure all that out it makes my head spin. Just the day to day living is another thing altogether. Take going to get groceries for example. Here, we jump in our minivan and head for Whole Foods, Publix, Target, we grab what we need and head home. Maybe stopping in for a meal on the way home because we are tired from shopping. In Jinja, the market trip would look a little more like jumping on the back of a Boda Boda or a Tikki (bike or motorcyle) heading to the market, wandering around to find what you need, (avoiding the stench of the fish monger aisle)  haggling the prices of literally everything you buy. Then finding yet another ride home. We most definitely will not be stopping at the Chic-Fil-A on the way home. Of course there would be very limited packaged foods, which is okay with me but sometimes its nice to just have a bowl of cereal. And how will our kids adjust? Thankfully we are fairly nomadic people and have uprooted our children several times in their short lives so it may be easier than we think.

What if we are blessed with another baby?

Another little yummy morsel of baby-ness like this:

with little bits that look like this:

and this:

Sorry, I got a little side tracked. Babies tend to do that to me. ahem

Really, I can’t see myself giving birth in Africa. I am totally down with the whole natural birth thing, been there, done that. I am even OK with no hospital. Done that too.. But its just the idea of giving birth in a third world country. I am a hypochondriac to a certain degree. For my mental health I think this would be a bad idea…Really, I even stopped Google-ing anything health related because it was so unhealthy.

Of course I would continue to homeschool there. What about the library!? How would I find all the reading resources for The Story of the World? How would I homeschool without that? Being able to order anything I want from Amazon, would be pretty much out of the question. I think. Field trip days might be a little more tricky there. But on the other hand field trip can also mean safari!

But honestly I can say, I can’t think of a single unselfish reason to not go. All my reasons for not moving would be selfish. I love my comfortable home with electricity ALL of the time. I like being able to brush my teeth with water from the tap without getting parasites and not worrying about getting mango worms from hanging my clothes outside to dry. The smokin’ fast internet connection is pretty great.  I love my car, the mall, satellite TV, the world’s most comfortable bed, and Twitter, knowing where I am even when I am lost because I have lived around here so long (well that and the GPS is pretty stinkin’ acurate).

Most importantly though, we would be leaving our good friends. People who we love and who love us. Our family is relatively small considering that both Brian and I are only children. Our friends are our family. They are who we share our joys and sorrows and problems and…birthdays with. They are helping to shape who we are, who our children become.

But then I think of what Africa could also shape us in to. The possibilities are endless. What kind of world view could my children have if we step out of our comfort zone and go? What kinds of things will they see that will inspire them and shape them? I believe my children have the power to change the world. Do I think we need to go to Africa to do it? No. Children change things all around them all of the time. They inspire people. They encourage help LOVE other people. I am a better person because of my children. I think that all of our children can change the world. And they will, like it or not. They will change it either for the good or for the bad. What we instill in them now will carry on for generations to come.

But why Africa? Why has God placed this idea in our head and longing in our hearts? Is it to help us to not be so selfish? Is it to help us to love other people more deeply?

To not judge because of someone’s physical appearance?

Or by the way they are dressed?

Or just to witness with our own eyes how devastating poverty is. Is it to give these people hope by sharing what God has done and can do and will for them?

Or even to witness the faith of fellow believers facing unthinkable circumstances that we cannot even imagine. Maybe it is to truly learn what it is to place every ounce of faith that we have in God and not on ourselves for once. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 2 Corinth 3:5

I don’t know what lessons he has in store for us.  I wish I did.  I think only time can tell. And frankly, I can’t wait.